I get SO tired of “New Year, New Me” posts on social media. I mean, most resolutions are abandoned by February so don’t try to fool me with this “self-improvement” nonsense. It’s not an accomplishment to walk around Target in yoga pants when your resolution was to exercise more, so let’s not pretend like we’re making ourselves better people.
That being said, I’m also guilty of making resolutions I can’t keep. Last year, I made a resolution to be nicer to Junebug but it’s pretty clear that’s not going to happen so I don’t really know why I deluded myself into thinking I would actually do that. I mean, it’s like she knows that I’m trying to be a better dog and is intentionally being the most ANNOYING creature to grace the face of this earth to make sure that I fail.
This year, I’ve decided I’m not even going to pretend that “be nice to Junebug” is on my list. We all have to get realistic because obviously, an “eat less chocolate” resolution isn’t going to work.
Here are my resolutions for this year:
1. I will stop barking at people I see every day because clearly they are not a threat.
2. I will not go on hunger strikes just because Junebug lives with me. She’s been there for three years so that’s probably not going to change and it gives my mom chest pain when I don’t eat for three days in a row.
3. I will stop making fun of Nigel behind his back (Nigel, you just have a personality that’s really easy to make fun of, so technically this isn’t my fault)
You may be wondering how I’m planning to accomplish these… honestly, same. I’m not sure how realistic they are, but I’m already basically perfect so there’s not much I need to change about myself. I mean, that should’ve been obvious to you but for those of you a bit slow on the uptake, I’m the kind of pup you wish you were.
Anyway, we need to figure out a way to support each other so that these resolutions actually last after the first week of the new year. Personally, one of the best motivators is knowing that last year, Junebug abandoned her resolution six hours after the new year began, so I can’t be as big of a failure as her. For those of you wondering, her resolution was to make her dental chew last longer than 4 minutes… it was gone in 45 seconds.
I’m pretty great so if you want to use me as a motivator, that’s cool too. Trying to be as good as me has helped a lot of mediocre dogs become average, so I guess you could say I’m a good influence.
If that doesn’t work, just try to remember that no matter what, I’m going to support you. Unless you disappoint me, then all bets are off.
You can do this (probably)!