Don’t worry everyone. I’m in charge of this blog, not Junebug. Hopefully you’ll never have to see another one of her posts again, which I think we can all shout a HUGE hip-hip-hooray for that.
We’re getting everything ready for a Fourth of July party here at the Jones house. The hamburger patties are shaped, the house is cleaned, and the fireworks are purchased. Yep, that’s right – fireworks. Mom says it’s been a wet enough year that they can do fireworks but I’m not pumped about that. I am NOT a fan of the loud noises but that’s not the main reason why I don’t like Fourth of July.
Last year, I got really sick on the Fourth of July and I am not ready to revisit it. Here’s what happened. The whole family came over and my mom was grilling burgers and hot dogs. They smelled SO good and I had to sit there and listen to people talk about how yummy everything was for like two whole hours. Do you realize how difficult that was for me? I’m a Jones – we LIVE for food. My mom even gave me a little taste of the meat so not only did I not get to eat with the rest of the family but I also knew EXACTLY what I was missing. I was so frustrated! That night, after everyone else went to bed, I snuck out of my sister’s room and got into the trash. I know, I’m not proud of it. I’m not a ~trashy~ dog (haha, get it?) and I shouldn’t have stooped to that level but it was a moment of weakness. I ate three (3) leftover hamburgers AND a leftover hotdog. And I only weigh eight pounds so that’s a LOT of food for me, especially in one sitting.
Needless to say, it didn’t end well for me. I started throwing up and my tummy hurt so badly. I even had diarrhea (another embarrassing moment) and got in a lot of trouble because my mom had just cleaned her carpet.
Anyway, the point is that eating human food made me sick and it’ll make you sick too (speaking to my fellow pups). Eating human food can cause stomach cramping, lethargy, vomiting, diarrhea, and pain. I promise, it’s really not worth it. Just trust me, okay? Learn from my mistakes – I sure did.
Have some fun this Independence Day! Keep the squirrels away and swim your heart out. Oh, and please, for the love of all things, DON’T EAT ANY HUMAN FOOD.
Take it easy, pals,